I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
