If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
love makes seman taste better
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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