I must be too annoying 4 u.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
