No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
