just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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