What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
