dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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