Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
