Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
