And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
