So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
