Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
