A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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