OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
