even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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