I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
