i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
