no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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