Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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