Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
