I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
