His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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