so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
