im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
