yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
