She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
