thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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