God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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