I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
