how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
