Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
