Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
