Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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