you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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