I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
