You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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