I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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