This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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