it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
