she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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