she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
