i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
