his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
