my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
