Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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