only if we run a train.
done.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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