I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
