my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
