Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
