dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
